At the early age of 13, I decided to move out of my mother's house. I felt I was old enough to handle my life since she was not doing a very good job at it. I stayed at friends houses. I did everything that I could do not to be a part of my mother's so called life. I also decided to go meet my father. I popped up at his door step thinking that he would have open arms for me, boy I was wrong. My so called half sisters treated me as if I was an alien from another planet. The rejection I expected because I was so use to it. At that point it didn't matter if he was in my life or not. My little sister and I started to get along and we became to best of friends. Actually she showed me a side of life that I have never seen before. We were having a blast hanging out, shopping and spending time together. She was the only person that showed me that it was alright to be me around her. She made me feel loved and I could talk to her about everything. As we got older she started to live her life one way and I went the other way.

At the age of 14, I was in a so called relationship with a boy that I thought loved me. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. He basically did what he wanted to and I could not say anything about it. There were times when I did try to say something to him and he would make sure that I was put in my place. He never hit me but mental abuse is just as hurtful as physical abuse. He controlled what I did from going to school to getting a job. I had to be at the phone exactly when he called or else I was in trouble.

He was only the second boy that I had sex with; the first is not worth mentioning. A few months into the relationship I got pregnant. I was too scared to tell any one. I went to the doctor like I was supposed to but the pregnancy had ended badly. I had awakened during the night and my boyfriend wasn't lying next to me so I went to see where he was. When I came downstairs I caught him having sex with a girl on the sofa. He didn't even stop when he saw me. He finished with what they were doing, she left and I wish that she hadn't. He dragged me down the stairs and started beating me as if he couldn't stop himself. Eventually, he did stop hitting me. I tried to leave but he would not let me. I couldn't call anyone to help me. The baby stopped moving and abd became very scared. I rushed to the hospital and found out that the baby had died in my womb. I started crying and couldn't stop. I was at the hospital all by myself. He did not come and neither did anyone in my family. From that day on I knew that I was alone in this world. No family support and no real friends.

At the age of 16, I met the person that I did not know that would change my life forever. I had seen him around because he was my aunt's neighbor. We had become friends in a summer program. I thought that he was so cute. He was dating another girl in the program but I did not care about that I want what I wanted. We flirted with one another all summer until he was kicked out of the program because of his mouth. The summer was about to end so my cousins decided that they wanted to have a party because their father was out of town. One of the counselors from the program came to party. I called him and made sure he was home. I asked one of the guys at the party to take me to pick him up and he did. We had sex that night and that one night changed things forever. I found out that I was pregnant. He denied the baby until the baby was three weeks old. He did not want to see his son and he refused to tell his parents. Once he saw his son things changed again. He acted as if he wanted to be a part of our lives. The day that I took his son to him he called me into his room and kicked me in my stomach so hard it took my breath away. He said to me while I was on the floor that I better not say a word because he had waited 9 months to do that. It did not stop there, he continued be abusive towards me physically and mentally. Everyone would ask me why would I stay with him, and I could not answer that question with the right answer.

The abuse went on for years. Between the beatings I continued to have three more children. I was pregnant again at the age of 19, 21 and 28. I can't really say that I truly loved him. I can't say what was supposed to be of our lives. He basically controlled my life. He was very manipulating and I hung on to every word he said. He used to make it seem that he wasn't doing anything but he was. He blamed me every time he hit me. Things escalated from a hit to more serious situations. He stabbed me in my leg, arms and back. He burned me several times with a curling iron on my arms so I would not be able to go to school. There were even times when I did not want to have sex with him he would take it. I realized later on through therapy that he was actually raping me. I laid there because if I tried to push him off of me he would dig his teeth into my skin.

The last two years of high school were supposed to be the best years of a teenager's life and mine were as if I was living in hell. I applied to a summer program at the University that would help me graduate a year earlier. I had talked to my family and his family so they will be able to help me with my son while I was attending the summer program. The program started off great. I was looking forward to going to college in September. The first two weeks of the program was a breeze until he started to come on to the University to check on me. He was told by some of his friends that attended the program that I had started seeing someone in the school. I was seeing someone but it wasn't the way they thought. The guy that I was seeing was a junior at the University. He was helping me with my studies. We spent a lot of time in the library because there wasn't any where else that you could go on campus. Every other weekend we were allowed to go home and return to the campus on Sunday night or Monday morning. The weekend I went home trouble started. He accused me a sleeping with my tutor. I denied it because it was not true. He punched me in my face and then started to dig his teeth into my skin. He bit my arms, back and legs. The bruises were red, green and black. I was afraid to tell anyone what was going on because I was afraid of what might happen next. When I went back to the campus on Monday morning he told me that I better not say anything to anyone and I didn't. I wore long sleeve shirts to hide the bruising from everyone on campus.

Unfortunately, I could not hide for too long. One day I was in the shower as I was getting out my roommate walked in on me and she saw everything. She asked what happened and I told her nothing then I begged her not say anything but she did not keep her mouth closed. She went to the dorm room director who in turn came to me. She took me to the infirmary. The way that the nurse looked at me she burst into tears. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed that I left the infirmary. Later on the same day I decided not to continue with the program.
The last year of high school was awful. I fought with him for the stupidest reason. He used to say to me if you didn't come over to my house then he would not have to put his hands on me. He also blamed me for every fight that we had. I still can remember one night when I was walking home I saw him with another girl. He and the rest of his friends were on the way to the movies. I asked him to come over and talk to me as he walked over to me he raised his hand and slapped the shit out of me. The next thing I know he is punching me in my face and kicking me to the ground. He beat me until the bus came. Once the bus came him and his friends got on it and left me there. His friends just stood there and watched him beat me. I could not understand why that happened like that because I did not do anything. I did my best to get back to his parents house. I could barely see or walk. It was a Saturday night and usually there would be someone outside somewhere but this particular night no one was around. Once I reached his parents house they could not believe what happened to me. I couldn't say what happened after that because I couldn't remember. continue